Permanent vacation

This is not a post about a movie entitled as above, but about the actual state of things, partially and rather irresponsibly experienced in spring (to blame it on the weather) or during student life (to blame it on the social status). A permanent vacation is pretty much settled in when:

- Wednesday morning (to be read 'after 10 am') has a distinct feeling of Sunday morning. By the middle of the day you find out that it's Thursday. And that the month is close to the end. Can't really recall where it went. You feel slightly tired as you try to push panic away, but sure you want more.

- You have time to develop upon the world you live in and form a coherent theory over almond cognac of uncertain ownership, maybe even about differences between humanity in Eastern and Western Europe, more specifically about the self-confidence of wasting time and believing it to be meaningful when you're part of a system of artist wannabes. For obvious reasons, it doesn't apply to you.

- Because you are actually busy, working towards a distant, yet stressing goal to which you dedicate a few hours daily, and more than a few cigarette breaks in which to complain about how difficult it is.

- When you get angry for sake of frequent and empty phrases such as 'personal growth', or 'human resources'.

- When friends' unopened luggage is all over the room, and your luggage soon to be made for a trip to sunny shores. You earned the right.

- When the record player is spinning nostalgic music all day long and all day long you feel like dancing to it. You gave up on cleaning the living room but refer to the mess as 'bohemian'.

- When your current reading is a Bildungsroman about the search for identity during The Great Depression.

- When you see where you went wrong last winter but don't admit to be having regrets.

- When you finally find strength, also because you don't find money, to collect the beer bottles from the balcony and take them to the store for the sake of recycling and getting more beer.

- When you get excited about all that put you down before.

The photo is taken from an airplane and entitled 'Welcome to heaven'. This vacation is not that, as long as you are conscious enough to acknowledge its illusionary and expecting nature. And perhaps its ephemerity adds up to its beauty.

Then something comes along and makes you feel sorry for yourself and unjustified in your arogance...